Parents, voluntarily giving up their kids. It’s a huge problem in Virginia.
It’s called “relief of custody.” Hundreds of these cases have been filed in just the past five years.
But people don’t realize how big of a problem this is. Relief of custody petitions are growing at an increasing rate in some regions of Virginia.
“In the western part of the state, we have about 20% of the population, but we have probably close to 50% of the relief of custody petitions filed,” said Renee Brown, the CEO & President of DePaul Community Resources, who was part of an advisory group for the Virginia Commission on Youth to try and solve the issue.
RELATED: We investigate as more parents are giving up their kids in this part of Virginia
WSLS 10 did a story in the fall and you blew up our social media with questions and comments, so we’re digging into the issue and some solutions.
WHO ARE THESE FAMILIES?
When parents start talking about this possibility, they are in crisis and want to give up.
“It’s easy to be like, they just want to give up their kid. It’s heartbreaking to hear the whole story of families of what brought them to this place where an adult is saying, ‘I can’t do this anymore,’” shared Emily Kim, a court liaison with Fairfax County Department of Family Services, who adds the work is extremely challenging.
“I think a lot of the ones that we see just find themselves in very impossible situations,” said Stephen Principe, another court liaison. “Relief of custody affects everybody. We’ve had all walks of life.”
He notes that many cases involve juvenile offenses within families, which can place parents in difficult positions where they have to chose between children. “Certainly we see a lot of juvenile sex offenses against siblings in the home,” he said, along with drugs like Fentanyl.
Kim says their data shows most relief of custody cases are not biological parents. She said it’s a relative, or another person who have taken custody of the child previously to prevent them from going into foster care.
“Over time, for various reasons, they are no longer able to, and they’re seeking that relief,” said Kim, who explained it could be the age of the guardian, their own mental/health situation or the child has just become too much to manage. “I think there are some families who have given it their all. They have genuinely given it their all and seeking a relief of custody is tearing them apart. Then there are other families where it’s, ‘Get this child out of my house, I’m done.’”
The top ten places in Virginia seeing relief of custody filings (listed in order of case numbers) are: Richmond, Norfolk, Henry County, Chesterfield, Virginia Beach, Rockingham/Harrisonburg, Roanoke City, Lee County, Bedford County and Roanoke County.
This isn’t just a problem in Virginia. It’s a problem across the country so the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) got a study done that revealed:
- Custody relinquishment occurs when children enter foster care primarily to receive behavioral health or disability services, not because of maltreatment, abuse or neglect
- As many as 25,000 foster care entries (5% of all foster care entries) might have been instances of custody relinquishment (Feb. 2017-Feb. 2019)
- The share of foster care entries that might have been instances of custody relinquishment across the country ranged widely from less than 1% to 18%. Eight states had 10% or more of foster care entries that looked like instances of custody relinquishment. (Virginia is 6-percent and West Virginia is 12-percent.)
- Large majority of children were ages 13 to 17, white, and male. Among foster care entries that resembled custody relinquishment nationwide, caregivers were mostly single, in their early 40s, and did not have their child removed to foster care because of their substance use.
- Entering foster care could provide children with access to services that are otherwise unavailable due to limited capacity. Custody relinquishment could also occur to receive services not otherwise covered by the child’s health insurance: children in foster care are automatically eligible for Medicaid
- Custody relinquishment is believed to be most common among families with children who need behavioral health services, though need for developmental or intellectual disability-related services may also play a role
- Providing services and care for these children can also be costly for state and local services systems, in part because child welfare systems are not designed to serve children solely because they have behavioral health or disability service needs.
- Interest in this issue has been growing, with some states and localities establishing practices and procedures to minimize the frequency of custody relinquishment.
FROM CHILDHOOD TRAUMA TO HEALING
Steven King has nearly 7 million followers on TikTok, but most of them are unaware of his dark past and the years it took him to heal from childhood trauma. In a candid conversation, King opened up about his parents’ decision to place him in the foster care system at just 12-years-old, after growing up with an abusive father and alcoholic mother.
“There were times that I can remember getting in trouble and being sent to my room and having to wait for my father to get home. It was either the belt that had the metal balls that went across it or it was a very large, hollow piece of rubber tubing that I would feel the wrath of.”
As a child, King stole money from local laundromats and a gas station. His parents tried what they knew to help-- sent him to live with his grandmother, therapy, and even put him in the hospital to be evaluated.
“It ultimately ended up in front of the courts because they had no other alternatives. I think that they had exhausted every viable alternative that they could think of that was at their means,” he said.
King’s behavioral issues eventually led his parents to petition the courts in California to take custody of him. “I began a life in the juvenile system for the state of California,” he explained. At just 12-years-old, King found himself in handcuffs and taken to Sylmar Juvenile Hall, where he was locked in a cell.
He shares the journey from childhood trauma to healing. “The trauma that I lived through is what shaped me into the person that I am today,” he reflected.
Now at the age of 51, he credits years of therapy for helping him heal.
“The entire family is going to be traumatized in one way or another,” he explained, talking about his parents’ decision decades ago. “It’s not an easy decision. And I know this because I’m at a place of forgiving, and accepting what’s happened in my life. So I know at the moment it’s never an easy decision for the parents to get to this point where they have to consider giving up the rights to their child. Then the other family members that are involved, seeing what’s taking place, knowing that, ‘Is this going to happen to me too?’”
King has accepted and forgiven his parents for doing the best they could under the circumstances. He spoke with both of them before they passed.
“When I look back on things now, it sounds absolutely traumatic and it was traumatic living through that, but surviving that and being on the surviving end, that doesn’t let the traumas of my childhood create resentment that I live and walk with every single day. It’s been a very forgiving place,” he said.
A POSSIBLE SOLUTION
We found one place in Virginia that is preventing families from being ripped apart. Fairfax County’s prevention model could be a game changer for the rest of Virginia, and other states seeing the crisis.
The county has invested in court liaisons who can collaborate with community partners to keep children out of foster care once parents go to the courthouse and express interest in relief of custody. This team approach involves regular meetings to adjust services for the child(ren) and family as needed and can include the courts, schools, Community Services Board (CSB) to help pay for services and the Fairfax County Department of Family Services.
Principe said it’s about searching for what the family actually needs, and can the team find those services without having to change legal custody.
“I want to have a lot of compassion for families that are considering that choice, because I could imagine it being a difficult decision,” said Ashley Thorpe, a Behavioral Health Specialist for the Fairfax-Falls Church Community Services Board, who also emphasizes the importance of creativity in addressing families’ needs.
“We try to get creative in our approach,” she says. This can include providing restaurant gift cards for family outings to strengthen bonds. “As simple as that may sound, having those opportunities to connect and have fun together is important.”
Kim says the challenges faced by families are profound. “A lot of them don’t know specifically. They can’t say what they need. They’re just at their wits end, they’re in their own trauma, they’re tunnel vision, they want relief,” but they don’t want the child in foster care.
The court liaisons also talk to the child, typically at school.
“A lot of the time these youths have no idea. They have not been told their guardian has gone and filed this relief of custody,” said Kim, who admitted this is the most challenging part, because while the child acknowledges there are challenges, they think everything is going to be OK. “You’ve gathered that in the youth’s perspective, they’re safe and they’re somewhat secure and you’re ripping that away from them.”
Both court liaisons said they see visual changes in the child when they understand what is happening, and they experience a whole range of emotions from anger to sadness to denial.
Services that can be offered to families by the CSB can include therapy, evaluations, peer support, and more.
Residential treatment facilities or intensive in-home treatment can also be an option. The CSB will look at using a family’s private insurance, connecting them with Medicaid if they’re eligible and/or looking at the Children’s Services Act to pay for what is needed.
The timelines do not always match up with the court process. The family and child assessment happens within 45-60 days. This includes talking with the family, child, providers, anyone with meaningful information on the total picture and circumstances surrounding the family.
At the same time, the court process is going on. Relief of custody isn’t considered an emergency, so a status hearing is scheduled when there’s room on the docket - that could be months. At the trial, which could be months later, the parents are putting on a case of why they should be relieved of custody. It takes about six months to a year for the entire court process to happen.
“In my experience, the ones that do make it to court are ones that we (DFS) support entering care, because that means that absolutely every avenue has been attempted,” said Principe, who added when the judge grants a final order it can be a mix of emotions. “I think there’s got to be some relief, but I think it comes at a cost. I think it’s hard at the end of the day, this is a family member and I think people feel like they may have given up.”
Once the child gets over the initial shock, grief, sadness and anger in that moment, Kim said they have to pivot to what is next for that child. She says most of the time that is not a family. Instead, the child will be placed in some sort of group home or facility.
“They’re so young,” said Kim.
“Teens have probably the worst outcomes in foster care. Teens with severe behavioral or mental health concerns or challenges have even worse outcomes. So if we can meet the need without having to enter foster care, already, we’re a step ahead,” explained Principe.
Despite the challenges, Fairfax County has seen success in preventing custody changes. A big part of that success are the court liaisons and the work they do with families and community partners.
Over the past five years, more than 30 requests for custody relief were made, with only four reaching the final step of a judge’s decision. “We can’t even count the number of people that call us before families even go file,” said Principe, attributing this success to strong relationships and partnerships with case managers.
Kim says the people in regular contact with parents, like case managers and school social workers, are the ones going to hear, “‘I can’t do this anymore. I’m going to relinquish my rights.’ We’ve worked with our partners so that when they hear those things, they know immediately to call us.”
They estimate hundreds of calls like this over the years and it is proving prevention is key in these situations. Fairfax County’s approach is saving taxpayer money too for the area that has more than 1.1 million people living there.
Unfortunately, court liaison positions or similar roles are not common in other places across Virginia.
“It’s always cheaper, more cost effective to come in and help a family at the beginning stages. When they’re struggling with X, Y and Z instead of the whole gamut of needs. So not only are we using taxpayer money effectively, but we are saving lives, I would say, and helping keep families together,” said Thorpe.
To see more of what’s happening in Fairfax County and why this prevention model is working, watch or read this story.
CHANGES COMING TO VIRGINIA
The Virginia Commission on Youth held four regional roundtables and an Advisory group meeting of stakeholders. Participants included 14 Judges, legislators, members of the executive branch, and representatives from local social services, mental health and school professionals vetted recommendations made by the Commission.
They made more than a dozen recommendations including the following bills that are on Governor Glenn Youngkin’s desk awaiting action:
- Requires a LDSS, as a part of its investigation after the referral of a request for a petition for relief of the care and custody of a child, to (i) refer the parent to FAPT and (ii) create a written report. The bill directs DSS, in coordination with the VLSSE, to create a template for and provide guidance on what should be included in such written report. (HB1733 - Cole)
- Directs the Children’s Ombudsman to convene a workgroup to determine the factors a court should consider when determining whether there is good cause shown for a petitioner’s desire to be relieved of the care and custody of a child and if the standard of proof should be increased for temporary relief. (SB1372 - Suetterlein)
- Codify current practice by adding children who have been found to be a Child in Need of Services by a JDR court or FAPT as eligible for funding through CSA. Technical changes to streamline wording. This population has been eligible and served since 2007 via State Executive Council policy. (SB801 - Favola)
- Directs the Department of Education to survey local education agencies on the availability of metal health services to students and use feedback to support improvement of guidelines for school professionals. (HB1947 - Seibold)
PANEL DISCUSSION
WSLS 10 put together a panel of experts - some of them were on the Virginia Commission on Youth’s advisory group.
They weighed in on what they’re seeing, why the system isn’t working and how we can better help these families in crisis.
You can see what they have to say by watching it here.
RELATED: Virginia’s Custody Crisis: Why are parents giving up their kids and solutions to help families
If you want to share your story about relief of custody, let us know! Email news@wsls.com
