When Michael Franti -- a musician, filmmaker and activist -- gets into an argument with his wife, they fall back on one phrase: Do you want to be right, or do you want to be close?
“So many arguments are just about proving that my opinion or what I did or what I said was OK. And that what she did or said wasn’t OK,” Franti said. “And once we can move past that and really get back to like, what it is that we’re making each other feel, then that empathy kicks in. And I just go, man, I don’t want to make you feel s-----. I want to make you feel good. That’s why I married you. That’s what I signed up for and that’s what you signed up for. Let’s get back to that place.”
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Sometimes the process takes an hour. Sometimes it’s more of an overnight thing, or it will last a few days.
This bit of advice came from a counselor, Franti said. It sounds simple, and perhaps it can be, but it does take some time to learn and put into practice.
It’s not just marriages. As Franti was sharing this advice on a recent episode of “The Best Advice Show,” podcast creator and host Zak Rosen said you could likely apply it to friendships, as well.
Franti and Spearhead have a new album called “Watching The World Go by With You.”
Rosen wants to hear from you next. To contribute some advice, drop him a voicemail at 844-935-BEST. Leave your name and your tip, followed by your email address in case he has any follow-up questions.
He’s not so much interested in platitudes and truisms, but instead, looking for the specific, odd, uplifting, effective, real advice from you about how you make it through your days.
“The Best Advice Show” is a product of Graham Media Group. Download it wherever you listen to or access podcasts.